Letter of Recommendation, Written at Wifepoint
My wife asked me to write a letter of recommendation for someone I barely know. The someone is one of her friend’s sons, a high school senior with a Rudy-like determination to go to Notre Dame, despite having the academic aptitude of corned beef.
At first, I was reluctant to write the letter, and I expressed this reluctance in my usual forthright manner of stammering and avoiding eye contact. Sensing my discomfort, my wife reassured me it was completely my decision. She said I shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything I don’t want to do. Then she stood, glaring at me, arms crossed, toe tapping, checking her watch twice over the course of twenty seconds while I took forever to decide. Satisfied I was free to make this decision on my own, I agreed.
In my wife’s defense, I have a connection to Notre Dame. I applied there and got accepted. But here’s the problem: I was never a student at Notre Dame, and apart from a few badly missed exits near Chicago, I never spent much time in northern Indiana. But this did not deter my wife. Nor, apparently, did it deter the Notre Dame Alumni Association from pleading with me for donations ever since.
Notre Dame Alumni Association
Anyone can be a donor. Even you.
Truth be told, I can barely manage my student loans, let alone donations. My own alma mater voted me “mostly likely to default.” I didn't even know I was a candidate.
In any event, I wrote the letter, or at least a first draft of it to show my wife, which I have reproduced below.
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Dean O’ Admissions
University of Notre Dame
South Bend, IN 90210
Re: Letter of Recommendation for Joseph “Rudy” Callahan
Dear Dean,
It is with great incredulity that I recommend Joseph Callahan for admission to the University of Notre Dame.
I know Jesse well. His credit report and personal history are available through TransUnion. He is between the ages of 18 and 19. He lives in Chicago. Family members with a similar address are Daniel and Joyce Callahan. Previous residences include Hoffman Estates, Illinois, and Arlington Heights, Illinois. He currently has a Visa card with a balance of $283 and a record of on-time payments.
Joseph will be an excellent fit for the University of Notre Dame. He looks and acts like a belligerent leprechaun. More importantly, though, Joseph has the “Luck o’ the Irish.” He was able to earn admission to the prestigious Whitney M. Young Magnet High School, solely on the basis of a lottery.
Yet Joseph has surprised his teachers, his classmates, and school psychologists by overcoming a poor record of academic achievement and attaining a C+ average, a remarkable feat considering how little time he spends in class. Pulling those kinds of grades must indicate a startling intelligence, though I personally have never witnessed it.
Jesse also excels athletically. He is looking at the athletic programs of dozens of schools. His event is the long shot.
Finally, let me just state, to no one in particular, that Joseph will pay full tuition. He will not need financial aid of any kind. In fact, you may find that his tuition checks contain a little something extra, if you get my drift. Of course, this should in no way affect your admissions decision. As Jesse might say, “There is no squid go pro.”
If there is any other information you need to support Jimmy’s candidacy, please do not hesitate to reach out to me on Twitter. I had to disconnect my phone.
Sincerely,
John Bluff
Former (Accepted) Applicant
P.S. Please remove me from your mailing list.
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So there you have it. Overall, I think this is an excellent letter that is sure to accomplish its intent. It won’t get Joseph into Notre Dame, of course. He’s got no shot at that. But I think this will be the last letter of recommendation my wife ever volunteers me for.